Issue date: April 29, 2001

In this article:
The jury's back: what do your teens really think of you as parents?
The view from Santana High School
Dr. Drew on the Teenage Code of Silence
USA WEEKEND's Teens & Parents survey results
Also this week:
Essays from our Teen Guest Editors
About our Teen Editors and Disney cruise winner
Statistics

The Gap Generation

A happy home life and, yes, even family dinners rank high with this year's respondents. But a leading expert on adolescence sees a flip side to the good news.

by William Damon

It turns out today's teenagers aren't so scary after all. Results of USA WEEKEND's Teens & Parents survey reveal a generation of young people who get along well with their parents and approve of the way they're being raised. They think of their parents with affection and respect. They speak with Mom or Dad when they have a problem. Most feel that their parents understand them, and they believe their family is the No. 1 priority in their parents' lives. Many even think their parents are cool! Although more than a third have an object in their rooms they would like to keep secret from their parents, rarely is it anything more alarming than a diary or off-color book or CD. A small bit of private and forbidden territory, perhaps, but not very far off the reservation.

Such results may seem surprising against the backdrop of horrific incidents, such as Columbine and Santee, that color the way the mass media portray the young. In October 2000, the same month the survey was taken, the Washington-based Center for Media and Public Affairs wrote in its publication Media Monitor that, in a recent month of TV news coverage of American youth, just 2% of teens were shown at home, and just 1% were portrayed in a work setting. In contrast, the criminal justice system accounted for nearly one out of every five visual backdrops. No wonder parents worry their own kids might spin out of control once they hit the turbulent waters of adolescence.

The overall facts ought to reassure us. The survey shows us that today's teens are affectionate, sensible and far happier than the angry and tortured souls that have been painted for us by stereotypes. From other sources, we also know teenage crime, drug abuse and premarital sex are in general decline. We, of course, need to pay attention to youngsters who are filled with malcontent and hostility, but we should not allow these extreme cases to distort our view of most young people.

My own research at the Stanford Center on Adolescence uses in-depth interviews with small samples of youngsters rather than large-scale surveys. Still, in my studies and others I have read, I find the same patterns as in USA WEEKEND's survey. Today's teenagers admire their parents and welcome parental guidance about important matters such as career choice -- though not, by a long shot, Mom and Dad's advice on matters of personal taste, such as music or fashion. When we ask teens to choose a hero, they usually select an older family member rather than a remote public figure. Most teens say they enjoy the company of both parents and friends.

Contrary to some stereotypes, most adolescents believe they must be tolerant of differences among individuals (though they do not always find this easy in the cliquish environment of high school). Many of them volunteer for community service with disadvantaged people. One prevalent quality we have found in teens' statements about themselves, their friends and their families is a strikingly positive emotional tone. By and large, these are very nice kids, and as the band The Who used to sing, "The kids are alright."

How much is today's spirit of harmony a change from our more turbulent past? A mere generation ago, parent-child relations were described as "the generation gap." Yet even then reports of widespread youth rebellion were overdone: Most kids in the '60s and '70s shared their parents' basic values. Still, it is true that American families are growing closer at the dawn of this new millennium. Perhaps there is less to fight about, with the country in a period of tranquility and the dangers of drug abuse and other unwholesome behavior well known. Perhaps in the face of impersonal and intimidating globalization, a young person's family feels more like a friendly haven than an oppressive trap. And perhaps parents are acting more like parents than in the recent past: Within just the past five years, I have noticed parents returning to a belief that teenagers need the guidance of elders rather than the laissez-faire, "anything goes" mode of child-rearing that became popular in the second half of the 20th century.

But missing from all these data is the sense that today's young care very much about their country, about the broader civic and political environment, or about the future of their society. They seem to be turning inward -- generally in a pro-social manner, certainly with positive benefits for intimate relationships, but too often at the expense of a connection with the present and future world beyond, including the society they will one day inherit.

Recently, we examined more than 400 essays on the "laws of life" that teens from two communities had written as part of an educational program initiated by the John Templeton Foundation in Radnor, Pa. In those essays, and in follow-up interviews with a few of the teenagers, we found lots of insight, positive feeling and inspirational thinking. But we also found little interest in civic life beyond the tight circles of their family and immediate friends.

For example, only one boy said he would like to be president when he grows up. When I was in high school, dozens in my homeroom class alone would have answered differently. In fact, other recent studies have found there has never been a time in American history when so small a proportion of young people have sought or accepted leadership roles in local civic organizations. It is also troubling that voting rates among our youngest eligible voters -- 18- to 24-year-olds -- are way down: Little more than one in four now go to the polls, even in national elections, compared with almost twice that many when 18-year-olds were first given the vote.

In our interviews, many students viewed politics with suspicion and distaste. "Most [politicians] are ... kind of crooked," one student declared. Another, discussing national politics, said, "I feel like one person can't do that much, and I get the impression [most people] don't think a group of people can do that much." Asked what they would like to change in the world, the students mentioned only personal concerns such as slowing down the pace of life, gaining good friends, becoming more spiritual, becoming either more materially successful or less materially oriented (depending on the student's values), and being more respectful of the Earth, animals and other people. One boy said, "I'd rather be concentrating on artistic efforts than saving the world or something."

It is fine and healthy for teens to cultivate their personal interests, and it is good news when young people enjoy harmonious relations with their family and friends. But there is also a place in a young life for noble purposes that include a dedication to the broader society, a love of country and an aspiration to make their own leadership contributions.

In the past, the young have eagerly participated in national service and civic affairs, often with lots of energy and idealism. If this is not happening today, we should ask why. Our society needs the full participation of its younger citizens if it is to continue to thrive. We know the promise is there -- this is a well-grounded, talented, warm-hearted group of youngsters. We have everything to gain by encouraging them to explore the world beyond their immediate experience and to prepare themselves for their turn at shaping that world.

William Damon is professor of eduction and director of the Center on Adolescence at Stanford University. He is the author of "The Moral Child" (1990) and "Greater Expectations" (1995), both published by The Free Press.

Teens & Parents USA WEEKEND Survey Results

Last fall, more than 84,000 students in grades 6-12 took USA WEEKEND's 14th teen survey in the magazine, at our Web site or through survey partner Cable in the Classroom. Here are highlights of the results of the exclusive, non-scientific survey.
Complete results of the Teens & Parents survey
Read essays by teen winners Covert and Morgan

4 in 5 say their relationship with their parents has improved or remained the same over the past two years.

4 in 5 say one of their parents has told them he or she loves them in recent days. 3 in 4 have told their parents they love them in recent days.

3 in 5 eat dinner with their parents at least five nights a week.

4 in 5 would confide in one or both parents if they had a serious problem.

4 in 5 think their parents are similar to or cooler than their friends' parents.

1 in 2 characterize their parents as always supportive.

3 in 4 think their parents understand the problems and situations they face as teens very or somewhat well.

1 in 2 give their parents a grade of A in raising them.

National respondents' sex: 40% male, 60% female
Race: 79% white, 8% black, 6% Hispanic, 3% multiracial, 2% Asian, 2% other
School type: 37% rural, 44% suburban, 19% urban

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The View From Santana High School

by John Schardt

Things are starting to get back to normal around Santana. Students are thinking about assemblies, the senior trip and prom, while trying to forget about what happened weeks ago. But that's not so easy when more incidents happen, like the shooting at Granite Hills High School. I talked to my schoolmates about the results of USA WEEKEND Magazine's Teens & Parents survey and asked if they thought it reflected the state of teens today.

The students mostly validated the survey's findings and thought it was accurate and informative, though certain results were singled out and commented on. Robert Garcia, 18, a senior, was surprised that only 24% of teens had been grounded in the past 30 days.

"We like to push buttons," he said. He was similarly shocked that 68% of boys said they don't hide anything in their room. "There is always something your parents won't let you have, but you do anyways." Some students thought the percentage of kids who lived with both parents (63%) looked a little high, because the divorce rate is close to 50%.

On more important matters, are parents really "there" for their teens today? Do kids have so much pressure on them that it causes some to commit such horrific acts? The survey results and the students I talked to seemed to feel that is not so. People are always looking for simple answers to troubling problems, but sometimes there aren't any. I can only offer a glimpse into what my fellow adolescents think. One survey is not going to give an accurate snapshot of what teens are all about. Our parents grew up under very different circumstances, both better and worse than ours. We can't fully understand what shaped them, and they can't fully understand what is shaping us. It is and will always be a blind intersection.

But in spite of this, and perhaps because of our stronger relationships with our parents, America's youth seem to be doing quite well, even given recent events. We are resigned to them, are learning to adapt and hope they won't define our generation.

John Schardt is a junior at Santana High School in Santee, Calif.

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Dr. Drew on the Teenage Code of Silence

The shootings at Santana High School have led many people to wonder why no one alerted authorities to the alleged killer's threats. It's difficult for some adults to empathize because we've developed an innate sensibility that tells us when the threat of harm outweighs the fear of betraying a trust, but adolescents don't yet have that ability. They don't trust their instincts because they don't think they're worthwhile enough to stand up and be heard. We need to remember that kids are still fragile and easily shamed.

It's natural for kids to want to keep secrets from adults. In children, and certainly in adolescents, there's a natural rebelliousness that comes with establishing a peer group. Growing up, almost by definition, means separating from your parents. Kids' cliques and clubs are largely built on secrets; the more extraordinary the secret, the more special and powerful the keepers feel. Keeping a secret can be arousing for kids. It's probably very gratifying in some way, particularly if the kids keeping it have aggressive impulses themselves.

Adding to the problem is that a lot of kids don't feel comfortable confiding in trustworthy adults. (The adults kids see as trustworthy are usually "cool" because they don't tell secrets, either.) It's not that surprising in a day when far too many parents erode their kids' trust either by abandoning them, abusing them or intruding in their emotional lives. How can kids be expected to put their trust in adults when so many have been given such a negative example?

We also need to remember that adolescents engage in magical thinking. They feel omnipotent and have a hard time accepting that anything can go wrong or that their behavior can have real, harmful consequences. Hearing someone say "Yeah, I'm going to kill some people" might be more intriguing and titillating than serious. It's just another abstract expression of rebellion, like wearing black fingernail polish.

Young people also tend to confuse secrecy with loyalty. Not allowing someone to go down a destructive path is often a more loyal action than keeping quiet, yet young people often see a secret as paramount. Adults need to teach them that if you truly care about someone, real integrity dictates you do what's right, even if it means sacrificing the relationship.

Unfortunately, right and wrong have become relative terms of late. It's crucial that adults nurture their kids' moral development and teach the principles of right and wrong. If children truly know right from wrong in a principled way, then even if they don't have a great sense of themselves, it helps guide their behavior and helps them act appropriately in situations like these.

Contributing Editor Drew Pinsky, M.D., writes USA WEEKEND's "Ask Dr. Drew" column.

Photos by BRAD TRENT for USA WEEKEND (teens) and courtesy of TAMAY SIMS (Sims)