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Feeling depressed? Don't suffer

Tony Soprano's "psychiatrist" talks about her own experience and a website that helps others.

By Lorraine Bracco
As told to Mary Ellin Lerner

It was the late '90s, and on the outside my life was going incredibly well. I had a fantastic role on the hit HBO series "The Sopranos." My younger child was well on the road to recovery after a long illness; my eldest was graduating college with honors. I should have been thrilled, but I wasn't. I was dragging through my days as if I had a low-grade fever -- listless and joyless.

"Things are going great," I told myself. "Why am I not ecstatic? I've survived hard times, but I don't feel happy. What's wrong with me?"

My problem was depression, but it took me a year to face it. At first I was in denial. I told myself, "I'm OK. I'm just having a bad week, a bad month." I thought maybe I could exercise my way out of it.

For a year, I stupidly suffered. I lost a whole year of joy and fun. Finally, one day I said to myself, "You know what? I don't feel right. I'm not smiling anymore. I look at my face in the mirror every day, and my face is not shining back at me radiantly. I don't want to live like this."

A friend of mine who's a social worker said, "Go see a therapist, Lorraine. You're depressed. Get on medication." I knew she was right, but I was nervous about the drug treatment. What would it do to my brain? Would it dull my emotions? What if I never could act again? What if I couldn't cry at my daughter's graduation? I thought the medication would deaden my feelings, which, I discovered later, is just a myth. I also was under the mistaken impression that you had to be on the drug forever.

I went to see a psychiatrist. He told me that, yes, I was depressed, and he prescribed a course of talk therapy and medication. It took about five or six weeks for the drug to kick in; it wasn't some sort of "happy" pill. I really had to make a commitment to the talk therapy, as well. But over time, the whole thing started to work. I felt much, much better. I had finally taken control.

I was on the medication for a year and a half. That's all I needed. I've been off the drug for four years now, although I still see the doctor for talk therapy, and I feel great.

Going through this experience really helped me play the part of Tony Soprano's psychiatrist, Dr. Jennifer Melfi. When I was depressed, I spent a lot of time in the self-help section of my bookstore reading up on mental illness, and I think it added depth to my role. In fact, I guess I was so convincing that in 2001, the American Psychoanalytic Association gave me a special award for my realistic portrayal of a psychiatrist.

When I accepted the prize, I spoke publicly for the first time about my experiences with depression. After that, several drug companies approached me about being a spokeswoman. Initially I said no, but then I started thinking about the enormous stigma associated with mental illness. I thought of all the fans who had come up to me wanting to talk about their depression and the embarrassment they felt about being on medication. That's what finally pushed me to team up with the Pfizer drug company to educate the public about medical treatment for depression and launch the website DepressionHelp.com.

I hope my story helps people come forward and get the help they need. I want to encourage others to do what I did -- let go of the shame and the fear. The most important thing is to go to a doctor for help, whether it's medication, therapy or a combination of both.

Here's my message: Don't suffer. It doesn't matter what people think. Get the help you need. I did -- and I am doing very well today. I am off my medication. I am following my dreams. My feelings are intact, and the face I see in the mirror is smiling again.

Depression often accompanies other illnesses

If you have a serious illness, you also may be depressed -- not the natural "blue" feelings that come with loss of function, but true clinical depression. This has everything to do with brain biochemistry and nothing to do with weakness, says women's health expert Donnica Moore, M.D.

Many scientific studies reveal that depression and disease often co-exist, each making the other worse.

You're at risk if you have: Alzheimer's disease, cancer, heart disease, stroke, infertility or chronic pain syndromes such as fibromyalgia, chronic fatigue and low back pain.

Some medications raise your risk, too. A few examples: beta blockers (for migraines and for heart problems like high blood pressure and chest pain that's caused by angina); calcium-channel blockers (for chest pain, congestive heart failure and high blood pressure); and corticosteroids (for skin disorders, allergies, asthma and lupus).

The good news: Treatment can help your depression and your recovery from the co-existing disease.

-- Susan T. Lennon