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Issue Date: February 3, 2008
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5 things
you need to
know about |
Success with online dating
Ask a good friend to read your profile so you don't undersell or oversell yourself.
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1. Research the options. "It's mind-blowing how many dating sites are out there," says Paulette Kouffman Sherman, author of Dating From the Inside Out: How to Use the Law of Attraction in Matters of the Heart, due out later this month. "If you're Greek Orthodox, vegetarian or an Ivy Leaguer, there's a site for you." Also, check out the bigger, general interest sites, like Match.com and eHarmony. Research the differences, and look at things like the percentage of men vs. women. "And don't be afraid to try out different ones or more than one at a time," she adds.
2. Be honest. Develop a profile that is marketable and reflects who you really are. "Most people [either] tend to brag about themselves or undersell themselves," says clinical psychologist and sex therapist Judy Kuriansky, the author of five relationship books, including The Complete Idiot's Guide to Dating. "First, write out your profile. Then, review it with your friends before you post it. They can help you strike the right balance."
3. Make the effort. "A lot of times, people -- women especially -- sit back and let others come to them," says Sherman, a clinical psychologist and the owner of My Dating School in Manhattan (mydatingschool.com), which offers classes. "Don't be afraid to make the first move. When you find someone you like, send a short note that says, 'I really enjoyed your profile. I think we have some things in common.' Keep it simple."
4. Get over "No." "If you don't get a response, do not let it get in your head," Sherman says. "Remind yourself they're not the right person for you, and don't waste energy on them." Contacted by someone who you don't think would interest you? Think hard about why that is. If it's an immediate deal-breaker, such as the person enjoys recreational drugs or doesn't want kids, be kind and let him or her know upfront that you're not interested. Otherwise, give that person a chance. "A lot of times, people can be more attractive and interesting than their profile suggests," Sherman says.
5. Wait before meeting in person. Chat on the phone at least several times, Kuriansky says, and always meet in a public place. "I always tell people to wait a month before meeting anyone in person," she says.
-- Kelly Dinardo
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