Issue Date: October 5, 2008
Fighting for custody
More lessons we can learn from Christie Brinkley's breakup
I remember you wrote about Christie Brinkley and whether she should accept husband Peter Cook's public apology for having an affair (you didn't think it was sincere). I felt sympathy for her then, but after their divorce trial, when she made so many details about him and their bad marriage public, I'm not so sure. Who is the worse parent here?
B.T., Michigan
Even the best parents make questionable decisions during emotional times.
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That's a tough call. Would the kids have been better off if they weren't exposed to such a public divorce? Absolutely. But would there have been such a quick settlement if there hadn't been so much dirt to dish? Probably not. And without an end to the constant media attention, the opportunity for family members to put the divorce behind them and heal would have been postponed. The bottom line: Cook is the bigger culprit here.
I weighed in on this topic with other experts. New York attorney Stacy Schneider, author of "He Had It Coming: How to Outsmart Your Husband and Win Your Divorce," is more "Team Christie" than "Team Cook." Going public, she says, was most likely based on advice from Brinkley's lawyer on how to proceed. "Custody cases are about fighting with everything you have because you know your children's futures are at stake," she says. It seems that in Brinkley's mind, her children were not safe with a man who put his sexual needs and compulsions first.
Psychiatrist Scott Haltzman, author of "The Secrets of Happily Married Men," sees it differently. "Just because a person is involved in infidelity or adult porn or, for that matter, is married four times, doesn't mean he or she isn't capable of being a wonderful, loving parent," he says, noting that Cook was willing to adopt the child from Brinkley's third marriage.
True, even the best of parents make questionable decisions during such highly volatile, emotional times, especially when lawyers are involved. My advice to couples on the verge of a custody clash: Before you go to court, get some counseling to start the healing process for yourself so you're less likely to react out of personal hurt and more responsive to your children's needs.
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