STRAIGHT TALK
By Jeffrey Zaslow

Issue date: Dec. 4-6,1998

In this article:
Advice bits
Write to Dr. Drew for advice

Dr. Drew

Sex. Love. Relationships. For the co-host of MTV's Loveline, no topic is too hot.

r. Drew Pinsky is troubled. He sees a generation of young adults unable to establish intimacy. He hears from teenagers who, more than ever, see sex as something to "get" rather than something to share.

When it comes to love and lovemaking, says Pinsky, 40, "the wheels are coming off the wagon in our country, and nobody's talking about it."

Actually, he's talking about it. Pinsky, a physician with a practice specializing in addictions, co-hosts MTV's late-night sex advice program, Loveline, whose fan base is the coveted 18- to 44-year-old audience. Most problems the show deals with are the result of dysfunctional families, or a poisonous narcissism in our culture, Pinsky says. He doesn't advise, "Respect yourself." He says, "Start respecting other people."

Loveline, which pairs Pinsky with comic Adam Carolla, is an hour of sometimes raw, often heartfelt questions from callers and a studio audience. The teens and twentysomethings speak explicitly of fetishes, broken romances and sexual addictions, and after Carolla provides levity, Pinsky gives the serious answers these young people are desperate to hear.

Pinsky, who also has a syndicated radio show, first hit the radio 15 years ago, in medical school. He found advice-givers like Dr. Ruth "massaging the pathology" by telling people to "go have good sex." "It's bull," says Pinsky. "As I realized the medical, social and psychological consequences, I got irritated."

Drew Pinsky, right, and co-host Adam Carolla

He began visiting high schools, where he found that teens' sexual activity often is "tremendously demeaning to women." Many teens view President Clinton's infidelity as proof that men are incapable of being faithful. "For people to say, 'That's just the way men behave,' is a catastrophe. Instead, we should say, 'We can't allow this to happen. It's the source of the destruction of the family.' "

Like a wise older brother to the MTV generation, Pinsky hammers home a three-part message:

1. "Get away from the sex part, and into intimacy."
2. "Commit yourself to a relationship. And don't look for ways to get out."
3. "Don't up the ante with the [sexual] thrill. Don't think some physical maneuver will make it better. That's like having a bigger car and asking, 'What's next?' What's next is going back to Step 1: intimacy."

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DR. DREW'S PRESCRIPTIONS

Be monogamous:
"Intimacy is the way people find happiness. Monogamy is required for intimacy to flourish."

Stop "acting out":
"Create structure. Don't act on impulses. Don't expect to be fulfilled by gratifying your every physical need."

"Divorce should not be an option":
"What do people do at the end of a relationship? They do the same thing all over again [with a new partner]. Why not try to heal the relationship you're in?"

You better shop around:
"People spend more time investigating the car they buy than the people they sleep with. It shouldn't be that way."

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ASK DR. DREW FOR ADVICE

Dr. Drew will write or call a reader who seeks advice. By Dec. 13, write to "Straight Talk," P.O. Box 3455, Chicago, Ill. 60654 (fax: 312-661-0375; e-mail: talk@usaweekend.com).